So, my day hasn't been the greatest, but yet it hasn't been the worst either. Eric is on 24-hr. duty, which started @ 9am this morning and runs until obviously...9am tomorrow morning. So there goes our shot of trying a church this Sunday, which I must say is driving me crazy, 'cause I really miss attending church.
Today also brought a hit of reality back to my eyes, as the last almost 5 years it's been Tyler and I in Ohio living together and today that's what it seemed like, 'cause it was a Saturday and Eric hasn't been here much...lunch like 30 min. and dinner about the same...anyways, it reminded me of back home...well...back in Ohio...I've been really homesick lately and just haven't said anything to many people, because I'm trying to be the strong one. Is that wrong of me? Somedays, I just keep thinking I'm in a dream, but I guess that would make this a really LONG dream, 'cause it doesn't end...but I know it's not a dream. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that I'm here and that things are going well, but I can't exactly say I'm home by any stretch of the margin...in fact...reality is really here...I'm not home, I don't know anyone here, I am in a place where it's Eric, Tyler, and myself...again, I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but for anyone that knows me at all...I'm a people person and I am by far not comfortable right now. Tyler hasn't had anyone over to play, and that's not normal...he always is with someone...well he was in Ohio...not even the neighborhood kids play with him...he has gone outside to do what...ride his scooter by himself, because right now both of his bikes are not in service...the one needs brakes and the other needs new intertubes for the tires. He has a cell phone to keep in touch with his life back in Ohio, but like he's told me, mom...it's just not the same...I have no one...I keep telling him it's all still new and that he has to give it some time and things will get better, when inside I'm dying myself and I feel the exact same way...............I miss my friends, my lifestyle..........I feel like...I've lost my best friends...like they don't have time for me anymore because I'm not there with them, and so they just seem to pass by the fact that I'm still here...just not there...and I still need to hear from them and talk to them...you know, I'm almost scared to come back in June...like it's all going to be so different and that everyone is going to have just moved forward...which kinda got put in perspective to me in another way the other day...it was a different subject, but fits for this.....................here's what I mean.......................When I left Ohio...that's the last time I personally saw my friends and family.......so when I return, it's going to be me coming back feeling like it's only been a second since I left.............but then I have to face reality.......they've all kept going, they've all moved forward and made everyday life continue for them and their familes....is that going to change where I fit in? Is that going to change me being as close as before? Does that mean my best friends aren't my best friends anymore? I mean I talked to my best friends way more when I lived there than I have since I've been here.....................I'm so confused...............Please don't take all this the wrong way...again, I'm not upset that I'm here and it's not that I'm not happy, because I am......I just feel I'm losing people...............I just feel lost...........UGH......
I MISS YOU ALL IN OHIO!!!!!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment